The Mink, The Mewer And The Music
by Bloodlustful
Summary: Post-series. Though all is right with the Animaniacs world, Minerva Mink and Rita find themselves in a sudden predicament. But they have a potential solution which is as unexpected as it is funny! Will their acting on it end in success and fix things up? Find out in this tale! "Uncle Fucker" from the South Park movie is parodied. WARNING: VERY INAPPROPRIATE! Hence the M rating.


Hi there, fellow Animaniacs fans! I was in the mood to be inappropriate to the max, as well as to make fanfiction readers and Animaniacs fans laugh till they collapsed! For that reason, I'm gonna make it so that my first Animaniacs fanfic is one in which Minerva Mink and Rita the cat, my two favorite characters in that show(and two very popular and beautiful characters, at that)sing a song which is a blatant parody and female/modified choice of relative version of the hilarious, over-the-top, funnily outrageous song "Uncle Fucker" from the 1999 South Park movie. Ironically, Animaniacs ended in 1998 and the special movie "Wakko's Wish" came out in 1999, respectively a year before and the same year as the South Park movie came out. So there you go. While all else is well with the Animaniacs universe in this story, there is a problem that Minerva and Rita find themselves facing, but they think of the most unexpected and hilarious way imaginable and/or possible to solve it, much to everyone's outright shock, but also their utter amusement and hysterics(the good kind of hysterics, mind you). Will their attempt to solve that problem succeed, and how much uproarious laughter will they cause in executing their intentions, and for that matter, from who? Find out by reading this fic!

THINGS TO NOTE:

This story takes place three months after the series finale of Animaniacs, so it's a post-series fic.

I own none of the characters. They all belong to Animaniacs. And I don't own the song "Uncle Fucker", either, for that belongs to South Park, the show, the movie or otherwise.

I dare you not to laugh while reading this story and/or call me funnily inappropriate after reading this story.

The Mink, The Mewer And The Music

Although the Animaniacs universe and the world therein were fixed up and made into a utopia of sorts, what with all of everyone in it having what they always wanted and all being as it needed to be along with that(such as Rita and Runt finally having a home, the three Goodfeathers having the respect they dreamed of and Hello Nurse being popular for reasons beyond her beauty just to name three), there was an exception to this in the form of one small problem.

You see, while Wilford B. Wolf and Minerva Mink had gotten happily married and the former had found a means to make it so that he was permanently in brawny, handsome werewolf form while still having all his personality traits and/or attributes from his other form despite never being in it again(that means was a special amulet that he drank an equally special elixir out of after finding out what it was and what it would do), and while Rita and Runt were just as happy at their new home, which was more lavish, opulent and beautiful than they ever would have dreamed of, the two canines I just mentioned had come to a unique discovery each.

What both discoveries had in common, however, was that they made the canine who had made them quite livid.

For Wilford, he'd fully come to grips with how, if it wasn't for him being in his hunky form permanently, Minerva would never have even dreamed about dating, let alone marrying, him, even as they were perfect for each other otherwise.

And for Runt, he'd finally been able to see that Rita had, in fact, been a cat all this time who pretended to be a dog in order to make it so that they stuck around with each other.

While this all happened well after all was made well in the Animaniacs universe, part of which actually involved Rita making sure of it that a home was found for all of the animals who shared the same animal shelter with her that Runt did, and part of which also involved Minerva's personality become somewhat nicer and more thoughtful, it nevertheless presented a tight spot of an awkward situation for both Minerva and Rita on equal levels.

Especially when all of the other inhabitants of the Animaniacs universe learned of what the werewolf and the housedog had learned, and they, too, were looking at Minerva and Rita through a scornful, less than happy pair of eyes.

It should come as no surprise, then, that they all accompanied and followed Wilford and Runt alike as the two went to where Minerva and Rita currently were, which was coming back to their respective homes from a female bonding walk of a trip they'd gone on together after letting everyone they knew know of it, obviously prior to the discoveries the dogs had made.

It was equally obvious that this was to confront the two women and also equally obvious why they were going to do so, although there was surprise in the eyes of Minerva and Rita alike, at least initially.

"Say, did we miss something?" Minerva asked. Rita then said: "You all look awfully serious, I've got to say. And those glares you're giving us make me think you're not exactly happy to see us."

"You think correctly, Rita, you bitch." Runt barked at her. "Because me and Wilford have come to see something we both wish we'd seen long ago, and it makes us very angry! Yeah, definitely very angry!"

"Really?" asked Minerva, who was as confused and put off as Rita was. Wilford then explained to his wife and the cat next to her: "Along with how I've recently come to see that, despite how badly I wanted to date you and had the hots for you, you wouldn't have had anything to do with me for shit if it weren't for my muscular, handsome werewolf form, Runt here has come to realize, also recently, that even though he hated cats with a vengeance, he spent so much fucking time hanging out with one without even knowing it, believing her to be another dog."

"Which means you took advantage of what I didn't know, Rita, and of the fact that I'm not the smartest dog. You used me. Yeah, you definitely used me. Deceived me and everything. Yeah, it was definitely deception that kept us together. Definitely deception. And you knew you were lying to me the whole time." Runt added in.

"Look, Wilford, I'm sorry that I used to be a bit of a bitch, but I've become a better girl since then after coming to see that there was more to life than money and material possessions, especially since deep down, I always had a friendly, sweet, kind and nice side, and now it's been, at least partially, anyway, brought to the surface." Minerva protested.

Wilford knew she wasn't lying, especially since part of what made things as they turned out to be in the end was Minerva playing a vital part in helping make it so, even if it obviously wasn't the only part played and she wasn't the only one playing one or more parts, but he still had the ire that had struck him before about him.

So it's predictable that his response consisted of: "True enough, Minerva, but be that as it may, and though I won't overlook the fact that, after marriage, you were able to see beyond my looks and into the depths of my heart and soul and vice versa, the fact of the matter is that it was my werewolf form that first drew you to me, and this was before you did your helpful deeds to aid in making things as they are now. I was blinded to it before because of how beautiful you were and how wonderful it felt that all was made as it should be and we were together forever as a loving couple. But now it's come to hit me, and the impact is considerable."

Additionally, after Rita said: "Listen, Runt, I know that I pretended to be a dog so that you would be my friend and we'd stick together, no matter what, but for crying out loud, you grew on me, just as both of us wanted a proper home, which, ironically, we now have and will have forever! Beyond this, though, I shirked an opportunity to get myself a brand new home so that I'd be with you and it would be fair to us both a while back!"

"Come again, Rita?" Runt asked her. Rita then explained: "Remember? You were being attacked by a dog as a girl took me onto a train to take me to a beautiful home, unable to get onto said train yourself? I jumped off and kicked that dog's ass, and made it clear to you that I had grown fond of you, to the point where I would never go anywhere without you, and we would either both find a home together, or not find one at all! Ring any bells?"

"Holy shit! I remember now! Yeah! That was one great, selfless moment of yours, Rita!" Runt told her, suddenly recapping and recalling what Rita was referring to, his stupidity notwithstanding. "Yes, I'd warmed up and grown fond of you, and you were already my best friend before that. Partially, it was vice versa, but it eventually became fully vice versa!" Rita put across to him.

"Okay, so yeah, that was one of your best moments, yeah, definitely one of your best moments." Runt acknowledged. "But not my only good moment, though a lot of them were towards you." Rita stated. "Plus, I only used deception because, otherwise, you'd hate me, and, at best, abandon me, or, at worst, kill me! And we needed each other! Not to mention that, under my aloof, sarcastic and/or independent demeanor, I hide a soft side which longs for affection!"

"Which you, along with me, now get plenty of in our new home, which, ironically, is a lot like the one that girl was initially going to take you to the train to!" Runt remarked. "Okay, so you've proven that cats probably aren't as bad as I used to think, and I can't hate them like I once did, after finding out what I did about you and realizing the trueness behind what you've just made clear to me, as well as understanding why things happened as they did much better now."

He let out a sigh, still enraged at Rita even having come to grasp what she pointed out to him and making things much clearer and more understandable to him, with or without the lack of intelligence he was cursed with, and told her: "But even so, discovering what I did, however it happened, was jarring for me. Yeah, definitely jarring. And it makes me really mad. Yeah, definitely mad. Definitely really mad."

"And you have every right to be. I'm sorry for how I was so deceitful to you. It was a bitchy thing to do, but it seemed like my best bet, all things considered. Even so, I'm sorry, and I just want to continue living the sort of life we were living before ever since we got our new home!" Rita apologized.

Minerva then added: "Likewise, I just want, Wilford, for us to continue living the sort of life we were living before ever since we got wedded and married!" "To be honest, part of me wants that, too, Minerva." Wilford informed the mink.

"And likewise, yeah, definitely likewise," Runt put across to Rita, "part of me wants what you also want. Yeah, definitely part of me. But me and Wilford just can't look at either of you the same way anymore. We wish we could, yeah, we definitely wish we could."

"But, sadly, we can't." Wilford sighed. "If only there was some way that there was something to at least act as a counterbalance to this so that, with or without the changed way we now look at you girls, it would be lessened enough so things would, overall and technically, be like they were before both in terms of how we see you and all other ways."

At first, Minerva and Rita looked as sad and glum as their respective confidants, and all of the other ones who'd been glaring at them along with Wilford and Runt couldn't help but feel a little pity for both of them, knowing all that was so, revolving around this or otherwise, and they went from hostile looking to sympathetic looking.

However, Minerva and Rita suddenly opened their eyes quite widely, much to the surprise of everyone else present, and the wide grins on their faces, which had lit up very noticeably, made it clear to the others in front of them that they'd come up with an idea to make the wish that Wilford, and, though he didn't speak of it, Runt had along with everybody else who was neither Rita nor Minerva.

"You know something, boys?" Minerva said. Then Rita added: "There just might be a way we can provide you with such a counterbalance." "Really?" Wilford and Runt asked in unison, with all of the ones behind them opening their eyes widely in amazement.

"Really." Rita then said, and Minerva explained for both herself and Rita: "You see, it is said that laughter is the best medicine, is it not?" "Yeah…" Wilford and Runt responded at the same time, unsure as to where this was going or what their female friends could mean along with everybody behind them.

Minerva went on: "Exactly. Well, me and Rita feel, what better counterbalance for what has happened and been caused as a result of what happened here, especially with the changes we have made from what we initially were for the better, than for me and Rita to do the ultimate act of gutbusting funniness?"

"I…I'm not sure that any of us follow you." Wilford said, now confused as much as Runt and everyone behind him and Runt were. "Then I'll clarify, speaking for Rita and myself." Minerva spoke. "See, should you all give us the chance, me and Rita will do a song and dance performance which is so funny, so inappropriate, so raunchy, so hilarious, so over the top, so downright outrageous, sexy and zany, the latter even by the standards of a world like this one, that you'll be unable to do anything but fall over laughing and be able to see in us what would be the ideal counterbalance for what you currently see in us along with everything else and cheer you two barker boys up from this completely at the same time, plus do the same for us and give the ones behind you an equally good time that will change the mood for the best for all of us."

"Well, we'll admit that sounds promising…" Wilford conceded. "Definitely promising." Runt agreed. "Not to mention original, unique and uncommon." Wilford added. "But what could possibly be so explicit, uproarious, hot, riotous and amusing as for such a stunt as that to be pulled off like you evidently intend to make happen?"

"Watch and see for yourselves, y'all." Rita answered. "Especially since my singing skills and Minerva's moving talents will be put to very proper use here, indeed." "Sure, I've also got singing skills, but not as many as Rita, and yeah, Rita's got moving skills, but not as many as me, but in any event, it'll be the perfect blend and balance that'll work out splendidly." Minerva said.

"We'll all be the judge of that." Wilford commented. "Definitely, definitely the judge of that." Runt stated. "Fire away." Wilford then spoke for himself, Runt and the entire group behind the two of them.

Giving a nod to what had been told to them to acknowledge this, Minerva and Rita got into a proper position for what was to happen and cleared their throats, then turned to look at each other while also ready to dance and move about as much as sing, pose and strike various moves.

Minerva and Rita then began to sing the song they'd spoken of, with Minerva doing the first verse. The mink sang: "Shut your fucking face, motherfucker! You're a breast-sucking, ass-licking motherfucker! You're a motherfucker, yes, it's true! Nobody fucks mothers quite like you!" During this time, she pointed her index finger at Rita repeatedly and, once she ended her first verse, she flipped the bird at her.

Rita did the singing of the second verse, going: "Shut your fucking face, motherfucker! You're the one who fucked your mother, motherfucker! You don't eat or sleep or go to the salon! You just fuck your mother all day long!" While this happened, she flipped Minerva off multiple times and, as soon as her verse was completed, she popped her claws for good measure.

Following this, they struck all kinds of hot, sexy poses, along with how they grabbed and fucked with their own breasts, in addition to sticking their fingers into their vaginal slits and dancing, flipping and jumping around in various ways. They even blinked and batted their sexy eyes and shook their asses at everyone with their tails up and fingered their clitorises and belly buttons alike.

Unsurprisingly, this caused everyone who was male and watching this, including Wilford and Runt, to drool at the same time as getting a boner, while all of the females present who were not Minerva or Rita opened their eyes in impressed, astounded awe, not wooed by their actions like the males were, but definitely able to see why the males would react as they did.

And hey, since Minerva and Rita were both almost invariably in the nude, it wasn't at all hard for them to do this sort of thing. Suddenly, Minerva and Rita, but especially Minerva, both saw the hunting dog Newt and the pimp of a hunter who owned him show up, intent on making a pelt to wear out of Minerva, but Newt seeing Rita caused him to see a new target, since he was one of those dogs who saw cats as something to pursue and/or attack.

Everyone else was alarmed to see them show up, too, especially since not everyone knew them, but Minerva and Rita both quickly improvised, with both girls leaping high up into the air. Newt and his master would then say in unison: "What's going on here?!"

After all, they clearly weren't expecting this, much like the audience watching Minerva and Rita perform weren't, and everyone present, those two, the audience or otherwise, were most confused as to what had just happened and why.

But everything was made clear when Minerva and Rita came back down and, at the same time as Minerva landed on the hunter and beat the shit out of him before tossing him away out of sight, Rita landed on Newt and did the same thing to him that Minerva did to Newt's owner.

Coincidentally yet appropriately enough, this was to be followed by all of the animals who shared a forest with Minerva Mink, who'd showed up by chance just now, seeing how Minerva had disposed of the hunter they'd otherwise need to fear along with his dog, and in addition to that?

Why, the animals who Rita had helped find homes for so they'd be free from that animal shelter like she and Runt now were had been taken out by their masters in one form or another, for one reason or another, and had also seen that the same Rita who'd helped them had gotten rid of a dog who disgraced the name of good dogs and would without hesitation torment cats, among other things that made it good that Rita dished out what for to him like was what he deserved.

Such gratitude as all of those forest animals felt toward Minerva, and all of the former animal shelter animals felt toward Rita, spurred them to help the two with the song they were singing that they'd heard part of on the way to where they were now, especially since Minerva and Rita were being so blatant and loud as they were while singing, dancing and performing it.

As such, all of these forest animals, as well as all of these former animal shelter animals, all sang to add and contribute to Minerva and Rita's song, in the form of going out: "Fuck her! Fuck her! Fuck her! Fuck her! Motherfucker! Motherfucker! Motherfucker!" Liking how this had turned out, Minerva and Rita both took to further dancing, flipping, jumping, bouncing and the like around to keep up with the rhythm and feel of the song they were singing.

While bouncing, flipping and dancing around and about and all over the place like this, Minerva and Rita sang in unison: "Shut your fucking face, motherfucker! You're a clit-licking, cum-sucking motherfucker!"

Suddenly, they jumped in among the crowd, animals from their past, various Animaniacs toons or otherwise, and landed in the center, albeit on opposite sides of it. Minerva pointed to Rita and said to her: "You're a motherfucker, I must say!"

Rita pointed back at Minerva and said to her: "You fucked your mother yesterday!"

Minerva and Rita then sang together: "Motherfucker! That's M-O-T-H-E-R-F-U-C-K-E-R!" They spun around to face each other again and once more pointed to each other, singing out at the same time, with the animals from their pasts once more joining in(which thankfully they didn't mind): "FUCK YOU, MOTHERFUCKER!"

Following that, they both struck a sexy pose side by side, then held out their fists so that the backs of them were seen and shot up both of their middle fingers. After that, Minerva went: "Fuck yeah!" And Rita added in: "Suck my cunt!"

Putting away their middle fingers after that, they saw that everyone around them was on the ground and positively paralyzed with laughter. Clearly, they'd met their intents with success.

They both bowed down to the laughter which was serving both that role and the role of the applause that the ones they performed this act in front of would be giving them if they weren't too busy laughing their guts and lungs out as well as their asses and heads off.

"Well, no fucking question about it for shit. We goddamn did it, Rita." Minerva told the grey and white cat next to her.

"You bet your fucking ass that we sure as hell did!" Rita replied to the white mink to the opposite side of her. "All that's left now is waiting for our atypical audience to recover from laughing enough to let us know we've set things right, even as we already know we have, and the act of going over to our respective lovers as things get back to the way they were before, only now more that way than ever."

"Quite well said, Rita." Minerva told her. "I can only imagine how this is goddamn going to motherfucking make the fucking papers, and easily on the front page, too." "I know, right?" let out Rita with a grin. "I can't wait to see it tomorrow morning, Minerva."

"Neither can I." Minerva concurred. Just then, the ones who'd they performed their song and dance routine of utter inappropriateness and absolute hilarity had managed to make their laughter die down enough so that they could stand up and speak once more, though God knows it was hard as hell to keep their still existent laughter contained enough to do so.

Believing that they were the best ones to speak for everyone else who'd seen the girls work their magic along with themselves, Wilford Wolf and Runt took turns in saying what they would to Minerva and Rita.

Wilford was the first one of them to talk, speaking the following words. "Minerva Mink…Rita Cat…that was…by far…the most…hilarious…gutbusting…outrageous…over-the-top…funny…explicit…sexy…hot…raunchy…talented…inappropriate…talented…beautiful...in every way smooth…riotous…uproarious…zany…crazy…insane…profane…obscene…absurd and phenomenal…masterpiece of…a song and…dance performance…any of us…have ever seen…in our entire lives…"

"Priceless. Definitely priceless." Runt added in, then quickly stopped talking, because he knew that he couldn't possibly say any more and keep a straight face, the state that he was currently in. "We speak for everybody here when we say this." Wilford managed to squeeze out before he got to be in the same position as Runt, and thus stopped talking, because otherwise he'd burst out laughing again. And for a long, long, long and loud, loud, loud time, too.

"Man, oh, man, I don't think even we could ever be that hysterical, and that's saying a lot." Yakko commented. "Co-signed." Wakko and Dot said in unison. "Yep, this was a gem, all right." Slappy nodded. "And hey, I may be a kid, but I know a truly amusing act when I see one!" Skippy proclaimed.

"We are very glad to hear all of this. Thank you so much for all of your praise and laughter reaction, and we're quite delighted to see that our plan worked like a dream." said Rita. Minerva added in: "Me and Rita, and I speak for both of us when I say this, would also like to thank all of you animals of my past and hers for your contribution to our song and the help that it provided us."

"Yeah, it truly gave it an extra kick, even if it was unexpected." Rita uttered. "Go fig." An instant later, one of the forest animals said: "Hey, it was the least we could do for one as beautiful as you, Minerva, and especially after you got rid of that horrid hunter and his mangy mutt." And one of the former animal shelter animals, a cat, said: "And Rita? The way you put away said mutt? You made it so that we cats had nothing to fear from him."

"Plus, you made him pay for giving good, respectable dogs like us a bad name." said a dog that was one of the former animal shelter animals. One of the other forest animals added in: "To say nothing of how he can't pursue us forest animals any more than his master can, and we've got nothing to fear from either of them, as such."

Minerva and Rita both nodded. Minerva said: "Good to know." Rita said: "Thanks again." Just after all of the forest animals and former animal shelter animals said in unison: "Our pleasure, girls." Minerva and Rita smiled, followed by how they looked in another direction and suddenly saw that Wildford and Runt, respectively, were coming up to them.

Wilford told Minerva: "Well done, my gorgeous mink of a glamorous wife. Would you like to come home with me so I can show you my gratitude for such a performance that made things as they ought to be for us again as that?" Minerva, knowing what Wilford was suggesting, said: "Why, Wilford, my beautiful wolf of a benevolent husband, I would absolutely love to."

So they went home for doing just that, and Runt told Rita: "Rita, you've done it. You've made all as it should be for me and you. Definitely all as it should be, just like was and is the case with this world and universe. Definitely this world and universe. You really are my best friend, and all my previous mad-ons for cats are fully gone now. I never thought this day would come, but it has. Definitely has. I love cats now, ironically and unbelievably enough. Nice job, best friend of mine."

Rita blushed and said: "Hey, I am very glad to hear all of it, best friend of mine. And you really are my best friend, too. I saw plenty in you before, but now I see more than ever on top of that, if that's even possible. What say you and I go home and have some quality time together in one form after the other, for as long as it can happen?"

Runt blushed, but then his face lit up and he said: "That sounds great, Rita. Definitely great!" "Great to know." Rita replied, and the two of them made their way to their wondrous, heavenly home after that.

Able to tell that the show was over, everyone else present went back to where they lived and were just so delighted that this day, however rocky it started out, had ended in a way that simply rocked. And besides how all was right with the world in every respect, way, sense and category, the way that Minerva and Rita had seen to that would forever remain and stand out as one of the most famous and memorable performances and ways to solve a problem of all time.

THE END

So, how did you like it? Did this story cause you to burst out laughing as it was intended to and I was hoping it out? Please rate and review, everyone, especially you Minerva Mink fans and/or you Rita fans!


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